Aspirin'!
What do you call a headache that wants to become a migraine?
Nicotine
A catalyst for converting intelligence into cancerous tissue.
Lead
A substance precipitated in great quantities when two countries react.
Q: What happens when the elements stage a play?
A: They actinium (act-in-'em)
Q: Which is the smartest element in the world?
A: Einsteinium, of course!
Q: What do you call an element that spends all its time playing hockey on horseback?
A: Polo-nium!
A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a seven-course dinner. When she's finished eating, she asks the waiter how much she owes.
The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!"
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution.
What did Midas say when he hurt his finger?
Au Au Au!
What does cation love to chase?
A mouse-ion.